** chapter closed **

Sunday, October 09, 2005
of death and birth, and new years in between.

everything seems crazy lately.. a very close friend's mother died. one of my favorite godsons celebrated his first birthday. a friend seems to be two months pregnant. another friend will give birth to a beautiful baby girl very, very soon. and i never thought i will ever know someone, in this lifetime at least, who will have an abortion, but i do.

birth and death, hand in hand. and here i am, having my head, and at times my heart too, ache over things that seem to be - temporary.

why do i have to go through so much, bruise my ego, swallow my pride, and take back things i said for something and someone that i am not even sure will be there for me in a couple of years? or the next months even?

why do i have to do things that exhaust me physically and emotionally for plans and things that may change so quickly?

tomorrow i may not be here at all. nothing is as certain as i want it to be.. so im thinking, what's the point?

then new years.

i love new years. a lot of things seem so "fresh".. like you can start from scratch and all the bad stuff you did are all cleared up with the year that passed.. everything seems forgiven.. everything seems to be an opportunity to do better, to be better..

and during the start of the year, everything holds promise.. it's like everything you do will affect so much.. nothing seems insignificant..

i wish there are more new years.. i wish a lot more things will make sense soon.. i wish i have all the time i need to do whatever i have to do (and some left for things i dont really need to do but want to).. i wish for more people to appreciate lives, their own and others' as well.. and i wish, i really wish, that most of the things i do made/make/will make the people i love happy, in whatever way..

i wish my life will be significant, whatever that means..

and that, for me, is the point, i think.. *sigh*

********
i'll rant about my 4 years in high school next time, ok? ^^ i need to rant about this more right now...

thought overload @ 12:18 AM |

goodbye.

i don't know how.
not sure if i have to.

or if it matters.

to memories.
to new beginnings.

Sunday, October 09, 2005
of death and birth, and new years in between.

thought overload @ 12:18 AM |

*BASICS*
Full Name: April Llorera Asumbra
Nicknames: eyfril, freul
Birthdate: August 2, 1984
Location: Laguna, Philippines
Religion: Roman Catholic
Occupation: travel specialist
High School: Canossa College San Pablo City
College: yUPieLBi
Affiliations: Philobioscientia

*PERSONAL INFO*
Relationship Status: almost married =)
Astrological Sign: Leo, obviously
Chinese Zodiac: Wood Rat
Existing as: God's gift to man =p
Smoking: not applicable
Liquor: deprived
Exercise: walking when the mood strikes
Clothing: anything comfy

*APPEARANCE*
Body Type: depends on time of the month
Eyes: depends on the mood
Hair: thick, black, and layered
Skin Tone: fair
Height: 5'3"
Weight: i don't want to know.
Best Feature: i love my shoulders

*FAMILY*
daddy tells me seeing me for the first time is his happy thought. and that is the happiest of my happy thoughts. blame him for me feeling like i deserve at least half of the love he gives me from everyone i meet. =p he always reminds me that noone will love me more than he does. and i believe him.

mom is the smartest woman i know. i think my being competitive came from her. she always strives for excellence and perfection. and there is a big part of me that's like that. di lang halata. hehe. i cannot imagine a better mother for me and my sisters. she always cooks "special" meals on weekends when jonas and i come home. love it. =)

jonas is on her sophomore year in ust. i totally adore her. wonderful, wonderful. so talented. love her voice. she grew up into this beautiful person. she is so full of potential. one day i'll get her a gig here in makati. i love her to bits.

faye is in 4th grade. she makes me smile. makes me laugh. she's growing up so fast. *sigh* love her to pieces.

weekends spent at home are actually more tiring than my weekdays. but it is all so worth it.

*HAPPY THOUGHTS*
babies. wind chimes. ducklings. emeralds. sunflowers. freedom park. cloud formations. white sand. seashells. bubbles. butterflies. feathers. puppies. kittens. autumn. rainbows. stars. waterfalls. tiger cubs. dolphins. hugs. kisses. love. =)

*CRAVINGS*
oreos. steaks. blueberry cheesecake. chocolate cake. marshmallows. fresh mango shake. apple juice. crispy pata. sisig. meaty lovers' pizza. watermelon. pineapple chunks. yakult. oreo cheesecake. roasted chicken. crabmeat. mushroom soup with croutons. pretzels. cheeseballs. chippy (red ^^). tuna and cheese. lasagna. grilled porkchops. baby back ribs. isaw sa may whitehouse ^^. hungarian sausage. lechon. chocolate mousse. better-than-sex cake. caramel popcorn. hot pandesal. double dutch ice cream. buttered toast. mashed potatoes with lots of gravy. ham and egg sandwich. bavarian-filled munchkins. twister fries. waffles. squid balls. chicharong bulaklak. leche flan. spicy fish eggs. bulalo. siomai. kirei. snickers cremachino. reese's bites.

*READS*
veronika decides to die. the alchemist. the little prince. the notebook. tuesdays with morrie. the five people you meet in heaven. message in a bottle. a walk to remember. the rescue. good omens. stardust. white oleander. bridget jones' diary. the edge of reason. eleven minutes. shopaholic series. harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban.

*WATCHES*
armageddon. cruel intentions. sweet november. pearl harbor. uptown girls. one true thing. 50 first dates. my sassy girl. so close. how to lose a guy in 10 days. pretty woman. when harry met sally. i am sam. the parent trap. disney classics. pixar films. milan. all my life. got 2 blv. =p csi. project runway. amazing race. charmed. survivor. sex and the city. the west wing. friends.

as leaves scatter
for mounds to form
i dream of stars
that are yet to fall

they crash
eyes closed

warmth freezes
silence comes from nothing
selfish tears

run home.

~ 31dec06 ~