Sunday, May 07, 2006
update, people! =)
let's try to post this entry here. =) it's a very long one, i should say. it's much easier to read it in my friendster blog, so go there if you must: http://eyfreul.blogs.friendster.com/random_thoughts/
anyway, an overview of the life i'm living now: in makati. getting paid for getting trained. extra time in yUPieLBi.com (yahoomail and friendster cannot be accessed in the office) but still unable to publish articles as needed. waking up before the sun rises because of the schedule from hell. and slowly getting used to the noise, traffic, and heat of the city.
and strangely, i dont miss LB as much as i thought i would.
i miss japo, though. very, very much.
im gonna marry that man someday. *evil laugh* to hell with jinxing it by writing it down here. *smirk*
in two years and a half, he has turned into every bit of the person that i want to spend the rest of my life with. or maybe he was already that person when i first met him, i was just too self-absorbed to notice.
but, impossible as it may sound, there are people i know that are even more self-absorbed than i am. hmmm... the kind that thinks they're so perfectly made by God, talks as if they are the smartest people on Earth at the same time they devastatingly abuse the little American and English slang or term or what have you they know to come off as "sophisticated/cool", and acts like they have the best values at heart when they are just plain hypocrites to start with.
what can i do? i have to react to things that i don't want to deal with. my life is very chaotic, i know. and there's comfort in that thought somehow. hypocrites are too predictable. they're boring. they're irritating. i would rather be in a room of bossy, bitchy, manipulative, people than share a table with a narrow-minded person.
anyway, about makati. it's very cozy, really. it's like LB with all these cars and buildings. if you can stand the heat, you can actually walk to wherever you want to go to.
except that the price of beer triples in makati. now i miss LB. =(
i have been staying in makati for 3 weeks already, and i havent seen the sky fill up with stars. it's depressing. if i cant even see "normal" stars. what are the chances that i see a falling one?
but you see, the thing with falling stars is that just when you start wishing, it's already gone. and all your left with is an image in your mind. and that's the one you're left with to wish on. you open your eyes, and nothing's there. there was something. but it's like there wasn't.
if bringing moments back is easy, i bet everyone will do it. but there are moments that you can never, ever get back. mistakes you made that you can do nothing about anymore.
like when i boarded the LRT to Monumento when i was supposed to go back to Buendia. tsk.
clive john antoine. arra's baby boy. i dont know about gracelle, but whenever i think about it, it makes me dizzy. arra cant have a baby already. our babies are supposed to grow up together. by the time i have one, arra's is already in school or something. *pouts*
the past few years, i have stuck to feeling that i was 18. now, i have gotten used to answering "21" when asked about my age. i hate to think that when august comes, i'll have to answer "22". i cant be 22. i feel 21. everything about me says 21. 22 is like, an adult age.
which is okay, i guess. given that im already dealing with taxes and health benefits and housing plans and other "adult" stuff. like getting married. harhar!
i know, i know. in my past life, i have said over and over again that marriage is overrated. but i woke up one day and realized that i need a husband. and that i need one before i turn 28. my eggs are in best shape before 30. i want to have the most amazing kids. i know, there were times that i said that i can have kids without a husband too. BUT NOW i decided that it will better if they grow up with a father. i dont want to be the one who teaches my son/s to play basketball.
sometimes i think he wants to marry me too. sometimes. hahahaha!
gracelle tells me that's what keeps me holding on to him. it's because i am never sure about how he feels about me. and that in my world, where being certain of a lot of things is the norm, having the few things that leave me wondering, helpless and NOT in control is a much needed and very precious thing.
i should go publish some articles for the site. i have been neglecting articles admin work. having to read through the most boring essays isn't really what i expected. but at least i get to pick what i want to be in the site. i would hate it more if someone else approves all the ones i have not.
i just want to get some decent sleep. *yawn*
thought overload @ 1:54 AM |
