Sunday, July 30, 2006
nanay's gone. she passed away saturday morning.
it was more than enough to silence that selfish brat who posed to wreck havoc for this week.
of course it was.
thought overload @ 7:44 PM |
Thursday, July 27, 2006
things are unstable again. i'm praying again. we're praying again.
one of my "selves" showed up and told me that it will not be possible to have a happy birthday if his mother doesn't get well soon. i wanted to shoot myself for even thinking that. for having that character somewhere inside me.
i think i need an exorcism.
thought overload @ 7:38 PM |
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
the thing with the last entry turned out well. thank You...
yesterday, japo felt bad. and i felt bad for him. there was a valid reason for his being emotional. you can not even compare it to the reason that i have for this phase i'm going through. and so i turned into this supportive, unselfish girlfriend who gave him his space and texted him reassuring messages minus the "what happened to me, how i felt, the-world-should-revolve-around-me thoughts".
but being the brat that i am, i have gotten over that already when he called yesterday and i heard in his voice that he was doing fine. i cried as soon as he asked how i was doing and what my plans for the weekend are (well, i was crying but i didn't tell him because it will just ruin the phonecall - might be a hangover of some sort from that unselfish girlfriend person from yesterday). and i told him i'm okay. and that i'm tired. and i really am. he said i should go to the spa and get myself something. the idea didn't even seem appealing.
and so i cried. even when we have already hung up, i was still crying. well, i think it's crying. tears running down my face is crying, right? it's just that i didn't even sob or made any crying sounds or anything. just really deep sighs. and non-stop tears. i think my eyes are broken.
i started thinking of reasons why i'm THIS sad. and every reason i can think of is connected to my birthday. on saturday, japo will be having a testimonial dinner. he's president of their student council so he'll be busy on friday as well. and then he plans to go home to elbi on sunday. bottomline: i don't think we'll be seeing each other this weekend. i will not be seeing him the weekend before my birthday. i will not even be with him ON my birthday. i will be seeing him the weekend AFTER my birthday, TWELVE days after i last saw him. fine.
another - home. will it be better for me if i stay two nights at home for the weekend? or just one? i haven't had enough sleep since last week. and i'm thinking that i can only do that if i stay in makati for one rest day. should i just ask them to go here to makati instead? will i be going home the weekend after my birthday too? i want to buy my parents gifts for my birthday. what should i get them? should i just treat them out to dinner or something? sigh.
jonas is free on wednesday afternoon. her classes end at around 1pm, i think. will she be dropping by at the condo that day to see me? can we go out for lunch or a movie or whatever?
work - i will start and end my birthday at work. 'nuff said.
phileos anniv week - starts next week. i was born a day before the org. i liked our anniv weeks. i will not be attending this year's homecoming. japo doesn't want to. and i don't want to go if he won't be there. yes, even if he will want me to. and besides, the homecoming is the weekend after my birthday (*rolls eyes*), so plans with family and japo will come first.
well wishers - my parents will remember. and my sisters. japo, of course. gracelle and monette. jaena remembered and she probably will too on the day itself. then who else???
will my ex even remember? ok, it doesn't really "matter".. but it sucks having only one ex boyfriend that will not even greet me that day. i remember his birthday. or maybe it's too much to expect for him to remember his ex-girlfriends' birthdays. but japo has more exes than ak, and japo doesn't have any problem remembering those dates. tsk.
then amber. everyone's so busy. with school. with work. with relationships. with whatever. i miss amber. it's bittersweet, really. when i'm with amber, it feels nice and fun and but really confusing. it's, like, being whizzed back to that world we had then. like remembering how big your house, the gate, the christmas tree looked when you were little and comparing it to how you see those things today. it's the same faces, same places, same things - but i grew up. and now everything looks different. but it really isn't.
will he remember? hmmm...
dina will. and swez. and kam. and maybe athena. maybe tita mayet too.
almost time to go home. zapper asked me to stay an extra hour, it seemed like a good idea at the time so i said yes. 30 minutes before i end my extra shift, i felt like it was stupid for me to have said yes. that last call was terrible. it was like speaking to that girl in my friendster list who has potpourri in her head instead of brains.
but it turned out to be a good idea, after all. received something in the mail that made me smile. *smile* this is a long entry. well, there is a big possibility that this is being read naman. i'm interesting naman. and smart. and witty. and charming.
gahd. i need sleep.
thought overload @ 10:18 AM |
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
i seldom pray. and i'm praying now.
please help him go through this.
thought overload @ 9:43 AM |
Monday, July 24, 2006
i remember a very dramatic/creative/sad blog entry last year for my birthday. makes me think if i can do the same for this year. i'm not exactly feeling dramatic/creative/sad right now. maybe a little sad, but definitely not dramatic. creative, i'm always creative. when i want to. *dry laugh*
my birthdays always make me "re-assess" where i am in my life right now. and right now, i think i'm in a relatively good place. well, better than last year definitely. it just freaks me out from time to time whenever i think of missing holidays and important dates because of "work". *pouts* especially missing those AND taking calls instead. grrr.
can't wait for october. =) i will be getting PTOs by then (if i'm still in the company. haha.) and japo and i will be celebrating our 3rd year together. ashushushushu! =p
but that's a different blog entry. for october. harhar. let's get back to me now.
so, i have been blog hopping too. and, apparently, i have a lot of friends who are in the call center industry. and they blog. mostly about how they deal with the stress, lack of sleep, caffeine, and, of course, the type of calls they're getting. some ranted about the lives of their callers, what their situation is, how they felt during the call, and how they sympathized with these callers and all that...
my memorable calls are the ones where callers told me i have a beautiful voice, called me "sweetheart", called me "his lady", told me i was "heaven sent" - you get the drift. makes me think if i am THAT self-centered.
well, i do remember some calls that i was able to help the travelers and it made me feel really, really good cos they sounded so happy and grateful. so maybe i'm not that bad. hmmm...
i wanted to be a doctor to help people when i was little. and it's a happy thought that i'm doing just that, without having to go through all that med school stuff. this is so much funner. =)
that leaves me with just two things on my to-do list: have kids and get married. the latter preferably being achieved first. =p sometimes. hehe.
almost endshift time, and i'm still on hold with united airlines. *pouts* i wonder if japo's out of bed already.. he probably is. having hot choco, maybe. hmmm...
thought overload @ 12:49 PM |
Sunday, July 23, 2006
10 days and i will be 22. twenty-two. last year i was just turning 21. tsk.
last year, i had exams and sci papers to submit. i was in an internet shop when the clock struck 12. i was in front of a freaking computer.
nothing much will change this year. add to that the possibility of talking with irate customers. on my birthday. gahd.
last year was sad. it was the first birthday i didn't celebrate with jonas. this year, i'm not even sure if i will be spending it with anyone in my family.. *heavy sigh* or even with japo. i'm sure i'll be seeing gracelle that day. and monette. so that's a happy thought. my parents kinda said we'll just be celebrating on the weekend after my birthday. but that's not my birthday anymore. it will be like lighting up sparklers on the weekend after new year's eve.
it's a good thing that japo has been very supportive with the emotional slips i'm having lately. not to mention him saying that thoughts about marrying me has been running around in his mind for the past few weeks. and him telling flavi to ask me if he can go out with the boys last saturday night. and him saying "ano pa hahanapin ko?" =) and that i'm beautiful and smart and interesting and "mabait" (whatever that meant) and sexy and that we have so much in common that's why we'll never get bored with each other and that he really believes we'll end up together. =) and that he wants to marry me. and that "nagkaka crush na din ata sya sa'kin". harhar. =D
i knew it. *triumphant laugh*
so now, we wait for - uhm - 3 years? *pouts* tsk. i'm looking at the bright side. i have 3 years to make the perfect wedding vow. i will so have the most beautiful wedding vow ever. i so will. he has been bragging that he already has one (and using it as hostage so that i'll behave: if i don't behave, i will not hear it. tsk.)
so let's go back to my birthday. the wedding can wait (but sometimes i feel like i can't). i have absolutely no plans for the day itself. it feels weird if i plan something for me. it's my day, i'm not supposed to worry how things will go. but i do want to have dinner with my parents and sisters, japo can be there too. or maybe japo and i will have lunch. then a movie. then i want to go to enchanted. then i want to have a full body massage.
*yawn* i have been awake for 19 hours already. i'm only running on caffeine right now.
expect more thoughts the next 10 days. my birthday is very, very important to me. and i do not see why it shouldn't be important to anyone who bothers to read this.. =) so there.
thought overload @ 11:28 AM |
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
33 =) *giggles madly*
that's, like, almost 3 years. *evil laugh*
but it's really scary too. like everything can fall apart any unexpected time. that's why i'm expecting it, so that it will not happen. or if it does happen, it will not be that much of a surprise. pick one.
whenever we're so, totally, over-the-moon happy, i freak out. and he hates it.
i so want to get rid of that stupid glitch in my system.
but for now, 33 months. i'll be having my period in a few days, i'm wishing that my hormones will behave "better" this month. *sigh*
thought overload @ 11:12 AM |
Monday, July 10, 2006
since the caller will not hang up, and is "willing to wait" for a supervisor, i have to write unless i want to go crazy thinking about my stats. why, oh, why do i have to be the one to get this call??? *drama queen mode* i am so tempted to tell her that the estimated wait time is 100 years. harhar.
ha! she hung up. ok, i will have to - oh now, i'm confused about what to do. the little bitch.
ah, yes, 15-minute break. *aux 1* i have to check my phone.. japo might have texted already. hihi. =) or he's still sleeping. he wasn't feeling very well last night. *pouts* hmmm...
(*2nd break*)
negative. no messages from him. anyway, i've been wondering for a few days now - is it possible that i'm still sufferring from insomnia when i already have the schedule that, i thought, fits my body clock?
it worked fine at first. me having the night shift. i felt great at work. i have been trained for this. now, it's different. the most tired i feel is from 10pm to 12mn. i still feel groggy at 1am and i only feel totally awake by 4am, i guess. and then i will not even feel the need to sleep until late afternoon. so that leaves me with only a few hours sleep, see? i hate my body for forever trying to go against the "norm". tsk.
sleeping pills pop into mind. but they scare me. more than birth control, even.
ooohhh.. i have an annoying thought for the day. someone DARED to talk back to me somewhere. he is so dead. there is no problem with anyone talking back, actually. hell, japo and gracelle talk back to me anytime they want. but THEY can do that. they're smart (yes, gracelle does talk sense sometimes =p), open-minded, interesting, well rounded, they have personality and more importantly, they're beautiful. so there. shoot me for being a superficial and judgmental brat. i will not tolerate anyone below the standards i have set acting like they're worthy of anything more than i think they deserve. bleh.
lunch time! =) but i'm not really very hungry. gonna check my phone for messages again. it's already morning, he should be up already. hmmm... *aux 2*
(*lunch*)
***
had a looooong call after lunch. so depressing. the team meeting after my shift wasn't exactly helpful either (although i found out that i have a fairly attractive teammate *yawn*). i just wanted to crash in my bed. i want to wake up in elbi.
thought overload @ 1:29 PM |
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i feel the need to clarify that japo and i are fine. hahaha. =p ok, so i don't really have an excuse for last week's melodrama because my hormones should be just fine this time of the month. it wasn't a full moon either. maybe it was the food. or the lack of beer. tsk.
i'm writing because i remember having a bright idea just before i fell asleep this afternoon. it was a wonderful, wonderful topic. got me all excited and smiling before drifting off to dreamland. and, of course, i have forgotten all about it by the time i woke up. *sigh*
i think it's something about his exes. (ssshhh... don't tell him i said that.) or maybe it's about my hair.
i have this "pending" idea for the longest time. about haircuts.
something about me getting bored with my long hair. so i decide to cut it. to make it interesting. different. fresh. then enjoying my new hairstyle immensely. showing it off to everybody who actually cares. taking good care of it. "owning" it. and then after a few days, everything seems to be out of control. my hair is on its awkward stage and i'll have to decide - a trim to get it back to the "style" or let it be. but i just want it to be long again.
there. my whole artik draft. haha. =p i have been waiting for the mood to strike, for me to actually write about it "creatively", but it seems like the mood is not in the mood. tsk.
after two LONG weeks, i'll be seeing japo in just - *checks* - around 32 hours. =D i can survive that.
family reunion this saturday. i'll be with japo, of course. =) hihi. i'm hoping my parents (and japo) will let me attend banjan's bday bash in elbi after the reunion. i so miss elbi. =( they'll be drinking all night. i HAVE to be there. tintin's also phileos' miss palacasan so i have to be there for post-pre-pageant moral support. =p
oooh... this is getting too long na naman. but does anyone actually read this???
thought overload @ 11:22 AM |
