Friday, August 25, 2006
"i don't remember having started anything.. so why does it feel like something ended?" ~30mar06~
a) i am the most selfish creature on earth. i want to have the best of ALL worlds.. i do not want to settle for anything less than what i think, and believe, i can have.. noone has the right to deprive me of the attention i crave..
b) i am too generous. i want to share every piece of me to everyone who needs it.. even if it's the "right" thing to "not do" things, i cannot help but want to make the people i care about happy in whatever way i can..
c) my ego has gone out of control. these people are not supposed to function without me.. how dare they move on with their lives?!
d) the "what ifs" refuse to be ignored. shoulda woulda coulda.. might have beens.. messes me up.. i am so not the "what if" type of girl..
e) inggitera lang talaga ako. why do other people get the attention and i don't? i had it before, anyway..
f) the world conspires against me. some people who i think acted "worse" are treated better than i am.. i haven't done anything THAT wrong.. why am i getting this kind of karma?!
g) there's this possibility that i was never special. i'm only a whole lot of things because i have a multiple personality disorder..
h) i'm depressed. and holding on to this sense of confusion makes me feel that my life has more possibilities than i have, consciously and unconsciously, restricted it to.. in this state of mind, i almost believe that maybe it has more to it than what it seems like to me most of the time..
i should leave analyzing my psyche to gracelle.. saves me from at least one major headache.
thought overload @ 7:31 PM |
Monday, August 21, 2006
i'm not sure whether it should be disturbing that i find temporary comfort in slamming doors and breaking glass. or that i can only write whenever i am "not feeling well".
so i'll try to make this a happy/optimistic/cheerful entry... bear with me.
why do i "not like" the sound of that last sentence?
anyway, updates: for my birthday, i was in elbi at nanay's wake. it was sad, of course. the mood picked up a bit the next day when japo took me out for lunch at Indio's (LOVE their sisig talaga and apple juice!) plus we also had siomai at Papu's.. *twirls*
friday night of that week, i went out with mom, dad, jonas, and faye for dinner. we had a mini seafood party at Bahia near Mall of Asia. i'm not sure what the location is exactly. i was never good with directions and geography. anyway, it was so fun cos they have fireworks at Mall of Asia every friday and saturday night so we were able to have that as background.. =p faye had so much fun. and it was a good thing that the display was over already when it started to rain.. faye almost drenched some middle aged woman with her antics. laugh trip! =D then mom and i shopped for bread at Pan de Manila. t'was fun. =)
and then i picked up abrie for the weekend so that she can attend nanay's funeral that sunday. she so likes me. *smug smile* harhar. at the funeral, i was able to meet the in-laws and the extended family.. t'was fun too. weird - but fun.
for japo's birthday, we went to Mall of Asia (finally!) to check it out. it was a celebration for my birthday, his birthday, and my 3rd month appraisal at work he said. we had a blast. =D had late lunch at Highlands Steakhouse where the steaks are SU.PERB! it could have been better if it wasn't cloudy that afternoon cos the resto had a GREAT view of manila bay's sunset.. maybe we'll catch it next time. after lunch, we had a semi-shopping spree while waiting for the movie. i think i waited 2 freaking months for Superman Returns.. BUT it was all worth the wait, catching it on imax =) i was trying to convince japo that Ant Bully is imax-worthy too but all i got was a "no.", i don't think i can get him to say yes to that idea. *pouts* Dinosaurs For The Cretaceous or something seems to appeal to him, though. but i don't want to be watching gigantic reptiles on imax. tsk. Happy Feet will be on imax too, i think. maybe japo will say yes to that. cute penguins! if not, i'll watch it with jonas. she adores penguins. and maybe i'll bring faye along too. and mom and dad. *computes ticket price for whole fam* good luck. harrrr. hahahaha.
after Mall of Asia, we went straight to The Library.. didn't have much fun there. there was a show and maybe it could have been funner if it wasn't "routine". maybe that's the one who spoiled my mood for the following days. the comedians weren't very funny. some people i know in elbi are funnier.
and then after that, everything just - changed, i think. i'm still not sure whether it's a good or a bad thing.
i was chatting with gracelle earlier. i love her. =) wahahaha. she can so simplify whatever twisted situation my mind gets in. and for that, i will not get married anytime soon because she tells me that she will cry the whole day if i do. =p i don't want a crying maid of honor on my freaking wedding! the horror. hahahahaha.
so there. updates. writing all that seems to lift some "negative energy"..
*adds blogging happy thoughts to slamming doors and breaking glass*
thought overload @ 12:58 PM |
