Sunday, January 14, 2007
end at the start.
had this beautiful blog (thanks again, ginokins) for more than a year. lots of drama. lots of nonsense. lots of me.
but for the past few months, lots of me doesn't feel like it can be contained in this space anymore. the me now, well, let's say they have clothes on. =p see-through, yes. but still, clothes. i cannot be too naked this time. being naked attracts too much attention, it seems. "false" attention at that.
and besides, i cannot break gracelle's heart and put her New Year's gift to me up in a cybershelf for safekeeping. =) so goodbye to this purty blog i love. *hugs you one last time* thanks for the laughs, the tears, the memories and all the crazy thoughts that ran through our pretty little heads. i'll see you some time.
thought overload @ 11:11 AM |
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
and because i finally got some free time for ranting here in the office, i will. harhar!
the company nurse told me that i need voice rest for today so i only have "admin work"... which turned out to be an hour of coaching with Win, cutting out coaching scheds for the rest of the team, plotting out calls due to passwords not received by travelers that i received for this month, and finding someone to swap scheds with for this coming Monday (Galera for team building - yay! =D). the last of which is still not accomplished. grrr.
i saw on TV, just an hour ago in the pantry while having lunch, that dolphins - the most adorable creatures in the sea (lion cubs on land) - are in SM Mall of Asia. @@ i am planning to go there today. bwahahaha! *twirls* i am so excited! haven't seen dolphins up close for the longest time.
just sent an email to OILAGAN (whoever she is) for the swap thing. all the other agents told me they have to "think about it" since my shift starts at midnight. my "ayaw mo no'n? your day ends at 9am! *smile smile*" is not working, apparently. tsk. or maybe cos they're mostly female. mmm.
*pouts* i so want to check the forums but Win told me that i shouldn't because there are auditors on the floor right now checking stuff. hmpf.
so updates. hmmm... well, everything's good. work's okay, especially that it will be payday tomorrow and the 13th month thing is coming next week. =p just sucks that i missed the Spring Fling account anniv party last Saturday which i heard was so fun (there were 400 bottles of beer left and the guests were FORCED to have them @@). oh well, i can go to Fashion Fusion year-end party still. i just have to check with japo if he can come cos i can bring 1 guest.. i already have something to wear! haha! and lately, i'm loving the environment here in the office. i just realized that it's so laid back. you call your "superiors" by their first name (even the company president!) and everything's, for lack of a better term, cool. i really hope things for the trainorship will develop early next year before i get bored.
and then there's japo. japo japo japo. hahahaha! he has transferred to Arellano University for Law. hihihi! magkasama na kami dito sa Makati in short =D i'm loving the fact that even if we are together most of our free time, we still end up missing each other whenever he's in school and i at work. feeling ko crush na din nya ako talaga. hahahahaha!
AND we are getting cable in the condo this week!!! finally! i haven't watched a single Lakers game since the season started! and then there's Animal Planet and Disney. and ETC and JACK. i miss Leno, Letterman, Stewart and O'Briaaaeeenn =p oooohhh.. love love love cable @@
*smiles as already made appointment with cable guy this Thursday*
gracelle says we're getting DSL connection soon also. can't wait for the time when we do not have to use our prepaid credits to call Yellow Cab, Goodah, Chowking, etc for food delivery. and that we do not have to leave the unit to go online.
the parents are fine, just that daddy is getting the cold frequently and mom's getting on my case again lately. but i'm sure it's cos she loves me.. my "grad picture" is on display in her office. all in its framed 8R glory. tsk. my mom's weird. i think she started loving me more when i started messing things up. she doesn't seem to like anything ideal, typical. oooh. maybe i got that from her.
faye's trying harder in school. i like to think that it is because i "talked" to her about the things i wished i could have done better when i was her age - and not because i promised her really nice Christmas presents if she gets good grades. and jonas, i believe, is going to try out for the varsity this sem - my conclusion from the "wag mong dadalhin playing shorts ko sa Makati!!!" spiel from her before i left home last weekend. i hope she gets in. i know she can. =) i am so excited to take her out and the rest of the family to Happy Feet on IMAX soon. hihi.
gracelle - wag na lang. hahahaha! naaah, i'm really happy that she's THAT happy. for the longest time, i prayed, wished, and waited for the day that she will get out of the rut that she was in. but now, her continuous ranting and analysis of something SO FRIGGIN' SIMPLE reminds me that i really should be careful of what i wish for. hahahaha! good thing i have nette and japo to share this overwhelming state of bliss grace's having. we love her too much. hahahahaha!
anyway, anna and jaena had their 22nd birthdays this month.. =) anna had pics of her and boyfriend touring Veeeeiiigas, and she looks so happy. jaena and i had messages exchanged in Friendster and she says she'll be home next year. weee!!! i heard anna's going home soon too. =) both asked me to let them know way, WAY in advance about my wedding date. hahahahaha! so i guess i have 2 confirmed slots for guests already. =p
and then there's Go LB!, launched a few weeks ago. the yUPieLBi Articles Section slash eLBizen Blog. am loving the idea that the forums is growing up so fast.. and that all of it started barely 2 years ago. *sigh* ang bilis nga naman talaga ng panahon..
so there. now, i just have to figure out how i am going to see the dolphins and not end up sick for tomorrow's shift. and how i am going to convince japo that i really, really want to go see them and that i will not complain of a headache if i don't get enough sleep. hmmm... shift's over in 10 minutes. gotta run home. =)
********
the dolphins will have to wait. next time na lang daw sabi ni japo.. huhuhu..ay wait! pinapatawag na nya ako Mall of Asia ngayon. hihihi! =)
thought overload @ 12:00 PM |
Friday, November 24, 2006
7 months ago i wouldn't have thought that i will be "here". i have a job that i totally enjoy, am in control of most aspects of my life, the family's doing great, daddy got me a new puppy, and my relationship with japo has never been better. everything is in place.
i am so freaking scared.
doesn't help that christmas is just around the corner. the holidays make me feel "obligated" to be happy. the pressure gets to me so bad i end up putting a lot of effort to not be "too happy". being too happy was never good for me, i start to doubt things.
can't wait for the new year. new years always make me feel a lot better.
********
p.s.
i do love christmas day.. but i never liked the christmas season. a lot of things get so hyped up. and most gestures seem a bit too fake. *shrugs*
thought overload @ 3:36 PM |
Monday, September 18, 2006
35th monsary. i feel great, great, GREAT. =D
he got into the condo around 4pm, i think.. good thing i was already well rested when he came despite me spending the morning watching Amazing Race 10's premiere episode (love the cheerleaders! =p) anyway, we had lunch at Keisha's (sisig and nilagang baka =p) then had my eyebrows fixed then went to sleep again..
we woke up around 630pm with basil's invites on my phone. told him about it and he okayed which was totally unexpected.. =) it was invites for free facials!!! hahahaha!!!in less than an hour, we were already in Trafalgar Plaza with basil, getting cleansed and toned and moisturized. hahahaha! it was so funny being all kikay with japo.. =D he even put on tinted moisturizer! =p hahahaha! happy, happy thoughts. =)
and then we went to Duets Bistro to meet up with his DLSU-D friends.. one turned out to work in PS too so it was fun chatting about our beloved company! =p *giggles* downside was that i had to leave early cos i stil had to go to work but it was really, really fun.
not to mention that i was able to "penetrate", even for a bit, that "untouchable" little world of Dasma that he has. =p bwahahahaha! i don't know. call me crazy. it just feels nice to know for sure that some people from "that world" know that i exist. =p harhar.
35 months. =) who would have thought.
*sigh* =)
thought overload @ 12:38 PM |
Friday, August 25, 2006
"i don't remember having started anything.. so why does it feel like something ended?" ~30mar06~a) i am the most selfish creature on earth. i want to have the best of ALL worlds.. i do not want to settle for anything less than what i think, and believe, i can have.. noone has the right to deprive me of the attention i crave..
b) i am too generous. i want to share every piece of me to everyone who needs it.. even if it's the "right" thing to "not do" things, i cannot help but want to make the people i care about happy in whatever way i can..
c) my ego has gone out of control. these people are not supposed to function without me.. how dare they move on with their lives?!
d) the "what ifs" refuse to be ignored. shoulda woulda coulda.. might have beens.. messes me up.. i am so not the "what if" type of girl..
e) inggitera lang talaga ako. why do other people get the attention and i don't? i had it before, anyway..
f) the world conspires against me. some people who i think acted "worse" are treated better than i am.. i haven't done anything THAT wrong.. why am i getting this kind of karma?!
g) there's this possibility that i was never special. i'm only a whole lot of things because i have a multiple personality disorder..
h) i'm depressed. and holding on to this sense of confusion makes me feel that my life has more possibilities than i have, consciously and unconsciously, restricted it to.. in this state of mind, i almost believe that maybe it has more to it than what it seems like to me most of the time..
i should leave analyzing my psyche to gracelle.. saves me from at least one major headache.
thought overload @ 7:31 PM |
Monday, August 21, 2006
i'm not sure whether it should be disturbing that i find temporary comfort in slamming doors and breaking glass. or that i can only write whenever i am "not feeling well".
so i'll try to make this a happy/optimistic/cheerful entry... bear with me.
why do i "not like" the sound of that last sentence?
anyway, updates: for my birthday, i was in elbi at nanay's wake. it was sad, of course. the mood picked up a bit the next day when japo took me out for lunch at Indio's (LOVE their sisig talaga and apple juice!) plus we also had siomai at Papu's.. *twirls*
friday night of that week, i went out with mom, dad, jonas, and faye for dinner. we had a mini seafood party at Bahia near Mall of Asia. i'm not sure what the location is exactly. i was never good with directions and geography. anyway, it was so fun cos they have fireworks at Mall of Asia every friday and saturday night so we were able to have that as background.. =p faye had so much fun. and it was a good thing that the display was over already when it started to rain.. faye almost drenched some middle aged woman with her antics. laugh trip! =D then mom and i shopped for bread at Pan de Manila. t'was fun. =)
and then i picked up abrie for the weekend so that she can attend nanay's funeral that sunday. she so likes me. *smug smile* harhar. at the funeral, i was able to meet the in-laws and the extended family.. t'was fun too. weird - but fun.
for japo's birthday, we went to Mall of Asia (finally!) to check it out. it was a celebration for my birthday, his birthday, and my 3rd month appraisal at work he said. we had a blast. =D had late lunch at Highlands Steakhouse where the steaks are SU.PERB! it could have been better if it wasn't cloudy that afternoon cos the resto had a GREAT view of manila bay's sunset.. maybe we'll catch it next time. after lunch, we had a semi-shopping spree while waiting for the movie. i think i waited 2 freaking months for Superman Returns.. BUT it was all worth the wait, catching it on imax =) i was trying to convince japo that Ant Bully is imax-worthy too but all i got was a "no.", i don't think i can get him to say yes to that idea. *pouts* Dinosaurs For The Cretaceous or something seems to appeal to him, though. but i don't want to be watching gigantic reptiles on imax. tsk. Happy Feet will be on imax too, i think. maybe japo will say yes to that. cute penguins! if not, i'll watch it with jonas. she adores penguins. and maybe i'll bring faye along too. and mom and dad. *computes ticket price for whole fam* good luck. harrrr. hahahaha.
after Mall of Asia, we went straight to The Library.. didn't have much fun there. there was a show and maybe it could have been funner if it wasn't "routine". maybe that's the one who spoiled my mood for the following days. the comedians weren't very funny. some people i know in elbi are funnier.
and then after that, everything just - changed, i think. i'm still not sure whether it's a good or a bad thing.
i was chatting with gracelle earlier. i love her. =) wahahaha. she can so simplify whatever twisted situation my mind gets in. and for that, i will not get married anytime soon because she tells me that she will cry the whole day if i do. =p i don't want a crying maid of honor on my freaking wedding! the horror. hahahahaha.
so there. updates. writing all that seems to lift some "negative energy"..
*adds blogging happy thoughts to slamming doors and breaking glass*
thought overload @ 12:58 PM |
Sunday, July 30, 2006
nanay's gone. she passed away saturday morning.
it was more than enough to silence that selfish brat who posed to wreck havoc for this week.
of course it was.
thought overload @ 7:44 PM |
Thursday, July 27, 2006
things are unstable again. i'm praying again. we're praying again.
one of my "selves" showed up and told me that it will not be possible to have a happy birthday if his mother doesn't get well soon. i wanted to shoot myself for even thinking that. for having that character somewhere inside me.
i think i need an exorcism.
thought overload @ 7:38 PM |
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
the thing with the last entry turned out well. thank You...
yesterday, japo felt bad. and i felt bad for him. there was a valid reason for his being emotional. you can not even compare it to the reason that i have for this phase i'm going through. and so i turned into this supportive, unselfish girlfriend who gave him his space and texted him reassuring messages minus the "what happened to me, how i felt, the-world-should-revolve-around-me thoughts".
but being the brat that i am, i have gotten over that already when he called yesterday and i heard in his voice that he was doing fine. i cried as soon as he asked how i was doing and what my plans for the weekend are (well, i was crying but i didn't tell him because it will just ruin the phonecall - might be a hangover of some sort from that unselfish girlfriend person from yesterday). and i told him i'm okay. and that i'm tired. and i really am. he said i should go to the spa and get myself something. the idea didn't even seem appealing.
and so i cried. even when we have already hung up, i was still crying. well, i think it's crying. tears running down my face is crying, right? it's just that i didn't even sob or made any crying sounds or anything. just really deep sighs. and non-stop tears. i think my eyes are broken.
i started thinking of reasons why i'm THIS sad. and every reason i can think of is connected to my birthday. on saturday, japo will be having a testimonial dinner. he's president of their student council so he'll be busy on friday as well. and then he plans to go home to elbi on sunday. bottomline: i don't think we'll be seeing each other this weekend. i will not be seeing him the weekend before my birthday. i will not even be with him ON my birthday. i will be seeing him the weekend AFTER my birthday, TWELVE days after i last saw him. fine.
another - home. will it be better for me if i stay two nights at home for the weekend? or just one? i haven't had enough sleep since last week. and i'm thinking that i can only do that if i stay in makati for one rest day. should i just ask them to go here to makati instead? will i be going home the weekend after my birthday too? i want to buy my parents gifts for my birthday. what should i get them? should i just treat them out to dinner or something? sigh.
jonas is free on wednesday afternoon. her classes end at around 1pm, i think. will she be dropping by at the condo that day to see me? can we go out for lunch or a movie or whatever?
work - i will start and end my birthday at work. 'nuff said.
phileos anniv week - starts next week. i was born a day before the org. i liked our anniv weeks. i will not be attending this year's homecoming. japo doesn't want to. and i don't want to go if he won't be there. yes, even if he will want me to. and besides, the homecoming is the weekend after my birthday (*rolls eyes*), so plans with family and japo will come first.
well wishers - my parents will remember. and my sisters. japo, of course. gracelle and monette. jaena remembered and she probably will too on the day itself. then who else???
will my ex even remember? ok, it doesn't really "matter".. but it sucks having only one ex boyfriend that will not even greet me that day. i remember his birthday. or maybe it's too much to expect for him to remember his ex-girlfriends' birthdays. but japo has more exes than ak, and japo doesn't have any problem remembering those dates. tsk.
then amber. everyone's so busy. with school. with work. with relationships. with whatever. i miss amber. it's bittersweet, really. when i'm with amber, it feels nice and fun and but really confusing. it's, like, being whizzed back to that world we had then. like remembering how big your house, the gate, the christmas tree looked when you were little and comparing it to how you see those things today. it's the same faces, same places, same things - but i grew up. and now everything looks different. but it really isn't.
will he remember? hmmm...
dina will. and swez. and kam. and maybe athena. maybe tita mayet too.
almost time to go home. zapper asked me to stay an extra hour, it seemed like a good idea at the time so i said yes. 30 minutes before i end my extra shift, i felt like it was stupid for me to have said yes. that last call was terrible. it was like speaking to that girl in my friendster list who has potpourri in her head instead of brains.
but it turned out to be a good idea, after all. received something in the mail that made me smile. *smile* this is a long entry. well, there is a big possibility that this is being read naman. i'm interesting naman. and smart. and witty. and charming.
gahd. i need sleep.
thought overload @ 10:18 AM |
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
i seldom pray. and i'm praying now.
please help him go through this.
thought overload @ 9:43 AM |
Monday, July 24, 2006
i remember a very dramatic/creative/sad blog entry last year for my birthday. makes me think if i can do the same for this year. i'm not exactly feeling dramatic/creative/sad right now. maybe a little sad, but definitely not dramatic. creative, i'm always creative. when i want to. *dry laugh*
my birthdays always make me "re-assess" where i am in my life right now. and right now, i think i'm in a relatively good place. well, better than last year definitely. it just freaks me out from time to time whenever i think of missing holidays and important dates because of "work". *pouts* especially missing those AND taking calls instead. grrr.
can't wait for october. =) i will be getting PTOs by then (if i'm still in the company. haha.) and japo and i will be celebrating our 3rd year together. ashushushushu! =p
but that's a different blog entry. for october. harhar. let's get back to me now.
so, i have been blog hopping too. and, apparently, i have a lot of friends who are in the call center industry. and they blog. mostly about how they deal with the stress, lack of sleep, caffeine, and, of course, the type of calls they're getting. some ranted about the lives of their callers, what their situation is, how they felt during the call, and how they sympathized with these callers and all that...
my memorable calls are the ones where callers told me i have a beautiful voice, called me "sweetheart", called me "his lady", told me i was "heaven sent" - you get the drift. makes me think if i am THAT self-centered.
well, i do remember some calls that i was able to help the travelers and it made me feel really, really good cos they sounded so happy and grateful. so maybe i'm not that bad. hmmm...
i wanted to be a doctor to help people when i was little. and it's a happy thought that i'm doing just that, without having to go through all that med school stuff. this is so much funner. =)
that leaves me with just two things on my to-do list: have kids and get married. the latter preferably being achieved first. =p sometimes. hehe.
almost endshift time, and i'm still on hold with united airlines. *pouts* i wonder if japo's out of bed already.. he probably is. having hot choco, maybe. hmmm...
thought overload @ 12:49 PM |
Sunday, July 23, 2006
10 days and i will be 22. twenty-two. last year i was just turning 21. tsk.
last year, i had exams and sci papers to submit. i was in an internet shop when the clock struck 12. i was in front of a freaking computer.
nothing much will change this year. add to that the possibility of talking with irate customers. on my birthday. gahd.
last year was sad. it was the first birthday i didn't celebrate with jonas. this year, i'm not even sure if i will be spending it with anyone in my family.. *heavy sigh* or even with japo. i'm sure i'll be seeing gracelle that day. and monette. so that's a happy thought. my parents kinda said we'll just be celebrating on the weekend after my birthday. but that's not my birthday anymore. it will be like lighting up sparklers on the weekend after new year's eve.
it's a good thing that japo has been very supportive with the emotional slips i'm having lately. not to mention him saying that thoughts about marrying me has been running around in his mind for the past few weeks. and him telling flavi to ask me if he can go out with the boys last saturday night. and him saying "ano pa hahanapin ko?" =) and that i'm beautiful and smart and interesting and "mabait" (whatever that meant) and sexy and that we have so much in common that's why we'll never get bored with each other and that he really believes we'll end up together. =) and that he wants to marry me. and that "nagkaka crush na din ata sya sa'kin". harhar. =D
i knew it. *triumphant laugh*
so now, we wait for - uhm - 3 years? *pouts* tsk. i'm looking at the bright side. i have 3 years to make the perfect wedding vow. i will so have the most beautiful wedding vow ever. i so will. he has been bragging that he already has one (and using it as hostage so that i'll behave: if i don't behave, i will not hear it. tsk.)
so let's go back to my birthday. the wedding can wait (but sometimes i feel like i can't). i have absolutely no plans for the day itself. it feels weird if i plan something for me. it's my day, i'm not supposed to worry how things will go. but i do want to have dinner with my parents and sisters, japo can be there too. or maybe japo and i will have lunch. then a movie. then i want to go to enchanted. then i want to have a full body massage.
*yawn* i have been awake for 19 hours already. i'm only running on caffeine right now.
expect more thoughts the next 10 days. my birthday is very, very important to me. and i do not see why it shouldn't be important to anyone who bothers to read this.. =) so there.
thought overload @ 11:28 AM |
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
33 =) *giggles madly*
that's, like, almost 3 years. *evil laugh*
but it's really scary too. like everything can fall apart any unexpected time. that's why i'm expecting it, so that it will not happen. or if it does happen, it will not be that much of a surprise. pick one.
whenever we're so, totally, over-the-moon happy, i freak out. and he hates it.
i so want to get rid of that stupid glitch in my system.
but for now, 33 months. i'll be having my period in a few days, i'm wishing that my hormones will behave "better" this month. *sigh*
thought overload @ 11:12 AM |
Monday, July 10, 2006
since the caller will not hang up, and is "willing to wait" for a supervisor, i have to write unless i want to go crazy thinking about my stats. why, oh, why do i have to be the one to get this call??? *drama queen mode* i am so tempted to tell her that the estimated wait time is 100 years. harhar.
ha! she hung up. ok, i will have to - oh now, i'm confused about what to do. the little bitch.
ah, yes, 15-minute break. *aux 1* i have to check my phone.. japo might have texted already. hihi. =) or he's still sleeping. he wasn't feeling very well last night. *pouts* hmmm...
(*2nd break*)
negative. no messages from him. anyway, i've been wondering for a few days now - is it possible that i'm still sufferring from insomnia when i already have the schedule that, i thought, fits my body clock?
it worked fine at first. me having the night shift. i felt great at work. i have been trained for this. now, it's different. the most tired i feel is from 10pm to 12mn. i still feel groggy at 1am and i only feel totally awake by 4am, i guess. and then i will not even feel the need to sleep until late afternoon. so that leaves me with only a few hours sleep, see? i hate my body for forever trying to go against the "norm". tsk.
sleeping pills pop into mind. but they scare me. more than birth control, even.
ooohhh.. i have an annoying thought for the day. someone DARED to talk back to me somewhere. he is so dead. there is no problem with anyone talking back, actually. hell, japo and gracelle talk back to me anytime they want. but THEY can do that. they're smart (yes, gracelle does talk sense sometimes =p), open-minded, interesting, well rounded, they have personality and more importantly, they're beautiful. so there. shoot me for being a superficial and judgmental brat. i will not tolerate anyone below the standards i have set acting like they're worthy of anything more than i think they deserve. bleh.
lunch time! =) but i'm not really very hungry. gonna check my phone for messages again. it's already morning, he should be up already. hmmm... *aux 2*
(*lunch*)
***
had a looooong call after lunch. so depressing. the team meeting after my shift wasn't exactly helpful either (although i found out that i have a fairly attractive teammate *yawn*). i just wanted to crash in my bed. i want to wake up in elbi.
thought overload @ 1:29 PM |
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i feel the need to clarify that japo and i are fine. hahaha. =p ok, so i don't really have an excuse for last week's melodrama because my hormones should be just fine this time of the month. it wasn't a full moon either. maybe it was the food. or the lack of beer. tsk.
i'm writing because i remember having a bright idea just before i fell asleep this afternoon. it was a wonderful, wonderful topic. got me all excited and smiling before drifting off to dreamland. and, of course, i have forgotten all about it by the time i woke up. *sigh*
i think it's something about his exes. (ssshhh... don't tell him i said that.) or maybe it's about my hair.
i have this "pending" idea for the longest time. about haircuts.
something about me getting bored with my long hair. so i decide to cut it. to make it interesting. different. fresh. then enjoying my new hairstyle immensely. showing it off to everybody who actually cares. taking good care of it. "owning" it. and then after a few days, everything seems to be out of control. my hair is on its awkward stage and i'll have to decide - a trim to get it back to the "style" or let it be. but i just want it to be long again.
there. my whole artik draft. haha. =p i have been waiting for the mood to strike, for me to actually write about it "creatively", but it seems like the mood is not in the mood. tsk.
after two LONG weeks, i'll be seeing japo in just - *checks* - around 32 hours. =D i can survive that.
family reunion this saturday. i'll be with japo, of course. =) hihi. i'm hoping my parents (and japo) will let me attend banjan's bday bash in elbi after the reunion. i so miss elbi. =( they'll be drinking all night. i HAVE to be there. tintin's also phileos' miss palacasan so i have to be there for post-pre-pageant moral support. =p
oooh... this is getting too long na naman. but does anyone actually read this???
thought overload @ 11:22 AM |
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
my eyes still look like hell. but he's already texting "normally". it's scary. the last few fights that we had didn't "simmer down" this fast. i'm not sure if i should feel happy or wary.
sigh.
i'm having those big headaches again. i haven't had them for months. i can't wait for saturday. i want to be far away. 45 minutes from manila, i know, doesn't seem to be THAT far away. but it's far away enough. the ocean does wondrous things. especially if it's somewhere i haven't been to yet.
superman returns. it will have to wait. i am so tempted to watch it by myself or with someone else but i have decided not to. i will watch it with japo. i don't know when. sigh.
"in a world of infinite options, sometimes there's no better feeling than knowing you only have one. ~ Carrie Bradshaw."
this shift is allowing me so much free time. i'm writing again. happy thought.
thought overload @ 6:46 PM |
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
i cried my heart out this morning. it feels terrible. i sat by the window looking out to the city and looking down on vehicles passing through buendia. there must have been thousands of people out there, all oblivious of my pain. there should be someone somewhere feeling worse, i thought. or maybe not.
the sky was beautiful. cloud formations. one looked like a person with arms wide open. like it's offering me a hug. i was 10 stories above buendia. glass separated me from that hug. from that drop.
i want to get hit by a car. something small. something that will not do too much damage. but i want to get hurt enough for me to have to be checked in the hospital. if only heartaches have physiological effects, i'll be in intensive care right now.
my love for him is dangerous. for me and the people around me. it's not very comforting that i know i'll break first before i stop fighting for how i feel about him.
how much is he willing to give for how he feels about me, i wonder. but then i know that the answer isn't important. i already love him too much that my love can cover for both of us. he can feel nothing for me right now and i will still give him everything that i have. i will shed tears for the pain i feel and that which i cause him and i will never even consider giving up.
i will cry and plead and fight for him to stay with me. i still cannot think of any reason for me not to.
gracelle and i are going to bataan for the weekend. *sigh*
***ok, again, gracelle and i stayed home saturday. =) dancing friday night was fun enough. bataan will have to wait for another "occassion"... =p
thought overload @ 6:42 PM |
Monday, June 26, 2006
what's up: not much. everything's so routine lately, now that i think about it. not that i'm complaining. eat, sleep, get ready for work, eat, work, eat, sleep, text or call japo in between all of that. on weekends, it's go to laguna, japo, sleep, home, sleep, japo, go back to makati. it has been that way since june started. since Law school started. before that, japo stayed here in makati. we went out, watched movies, spent time with abrie, et cetera.
now, it's - boring. and no, i am rarely in the mood to go out with girlfriends, nor go out for friendly dates. it's like i'm too tired. i do not enjoy beer in makati. the only thing that's fun is getting to watch the latest movies with less hassle than when i was in elbi, and i do not even want to do that most of the time because i only want to watch the good movies with japo. the mall is a 5-minute ride away from my office, 10 minutes from the condo and i do not even want to go there to windowshop or whatever.
what's happening to me?
anyway, earlier, around midnight, hanging out at starbucks with gracelle and carlo, feeling down because i will not be seeing japo for 10 days (*sigh*) and not having enough rest this past weekend that caused a rather unpleasant time with the love of my life, thus the start of depressing thoughts such as if-i-die-in-the-next-ten-days-the-last-time-i-saw-him-he-was-upset-with-me thoughts, i tried to escape from all that negativity with a slice of oreo cheesecake and a glass of doubleshot espresso. the sugar and caffeine fix helped wake my senses but the "depression" is still there somewhere.
i need time off.
fortunately (or unfortunately), gracelle needs time off too. an out-of-town trip sounded perfect. the ocean sounded perfect. going to bataan this weekend is perfect. so there it is - bataan. this weekend. with gracelle. it's like the bestfriend meeting the family. haha.
gimik with amber this friday night. i hope it's fun. but i just know going to bataan will be funner. i so want to go to bataan. hang out by the sea. hear the waves. that will be so peaceful. can't wait.
grace, if you're reading this - i want to go, ok? i want i want i want. we need it. i need it. and you're probly thinking that you need it too. so there. we're going.
(*lunchbreak*)
and then there it is. txt messages from the love of my life. him being upset. i was crying in a bathroom stall downstairs where i can bring my celfon to txt him back apologies and pleas and more apologies while i cry my eyes out.
4 hours to go. i just want to go home and cry. i want to go to the nearest beach and feel the waves on my feet. i want to go to a mountaintop and just lay there, maybe cry some more. i want to see the stars. lots and lots of stars.
i just want to wake up and see him smile.
i want to see him smile before i sleep.
thought overload @ 6:13 PM |
Sunday, May 07, 2006
update, people! =)
let's try to post this entry here. =) it's a very long one, i should say. it's much easier to read it in my friendster blog, so go there if you must:
http://eyfreul.blogs.friendster.com/random_thoughts/anyway, an overview of the life i'm living now: in makati. getting paid for getting trained. extra time in yUPieLBi.com (yahoomail and friendster cannot be accessed in the office) but still unable to publish articles as needed. waking up before the sun rises because of the schedule from hell. and slowly getting used to the noise, traffic, and heat of the city.
and strangely, i dont miss LB as much as i thought i would.
i miss japo, though. very, very much.
im gonna marry that man someday. *evil laugh* to hell with jinxing it by writing it down here. *smirk*
in two years and a half, he has turned into every bit of the person that i want to spend the rest of my life with. or maybe he was already that person when i first met him, i was just too self-absorbed to notice.
but, impossible as it may sound, there are people i know that are even more self-absorbed than i am. hmmm... the kind that thinks they're so perfectly made by God, talks as if they are the smartest people on Earth at the same time they devastatingly abuse the little American and English slang or term or what have you they know to come off as "sophisticated/cool", and acts like they have the best values at heart when they are just plain hypocrites to start with.
what can i do? i have to react to things that i don't want to deal with. my life is very chaotic, i know. and there's comfort in that thought somehow. hypocrites are too predictable. they're boring. they're irritating. i would rather be in a room of bossy, bitchy, manipulative, people than share a table with a narrow-minded person.
anyway, about makati. it's very cozy, really. it's like LB with all these cars and buildings. if you can stand the heat, you can actually walk to wherever you want to go to.
except that the price of beer triples in makati. now i miss LB. =(
i have been staying in makati for 3 weeks already, and i havent seen the sky fill up with stars. it's depressing. if i cant even see "normal" stars. what are the chances that i see a falling one?
but you see, the thing with falling stars is that just when you start wishing, it's already gone. and all your left with is an image in your mind. and that's the one you're left with to wish on. you open your eyes, and nothing's there. there was something. but it's like there wasn't.
if bringing moments back is easy, i bet everyone will do it. but there are moments that you can never, ever get back. mistakes you made that you can do nothing about anymore.
like when i boarded the LRT to Monumento when i was supposed to go back to Buendia. tsk.
clive john antoine. arra's baby boy. i dont know about gracelle, but whenever i think about it, it makes me dizzy. arra cant have a baby already. our babies are supposed to grow up together. by the time i have one, arra's is already in school or something. *pouts*
the past few years, i have stuck to feeling that i was 18. now, i have gotten used to answering "21" when asked about my age. i hate to think that when august comes, i'll have to answer "22". i cant be 22. i feel 21. everything about me says 21. 22 is like, an adult age.
which is okay, i guess. given that im already dealing with taxes and health benefits and housing plans and other "adult" stuff. like getting married. harhar!
i know, i know. in my past life, i have said over and over again that marriage is overrated. but i woke up one day and realized that i need a husband. and that i need one before i turn 28. my eggs are in best shape before 30. i want to have the most amazing kids. i know, there were times that i said that i can have kids without a husband too. BUT NOW i decided that it will better if they grow up with a father. i dont want to be the one who teaches my son/s to play basketball.
sometimes i think he wants to marry me too. sometimes. hahahaha!
gracelle tells me that's what keeps me holding on to him. it's because i am never sure about how he feels about me. and that in my world, where being certain of a lot of things is the norm, having the few things that leave me wondering, helpless and NOT in control is a much needed and very precious thing.
i should go publish some articles for the site. i have been neglecting articles admin work. having to read through the most boring essays isn't really what i expected. but at least i get to pick what i want to be in the site. i would hate it more if someone else approves all the ones i have not.
i just want to get some decent sleep. *yawn*
thought overload @ 1:54 AM |
Saturday, April 01, 2006
my online quizzes! =)
the link's on my Links page =p
it's what i do at times that i can't seem to organize my thoughts into sentences that actually make sense.. so please bear with me. i promise that i'll get back to "writing" very, very soon. promise! especially if nobody hires me this summer. tsk.
anyway, i would love to know what you think about my results, ok? =) mmmwah!
thought overload @ 9:58 PM |
Saturday, March 25, 2006
color quiz
gahd. this is so accurate it's scary. tsk.
and for updates, they're coming. i just need to organize my thoughts.. bear with me.
for the meantime, let's abuse all these online quizzes i love. why? because they tell me all about my favorite thing in the world - ME. harhar. =p
MY RESULTS HERE =)this is so much cheaper than getting a shrink. or shrinks.
thought overload @ 10:55 PM |
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
something new
"When was the last time you did something for the first time?"*smiles*
i have the perfect - and very detailed - answer for that one.. ^^
i woke up REALLY early that friday morning.. strangely, i was excited.. the last time i was supposed to go to alabang for a job interview, i decided that staying in bed all day was a better idea..
so i got up, took a bath, brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, and picked "nice" clothes to wear.. i was smiling all the way to festival mall..
until i realized that i don't know where to go.. the mall was still closed, see? and i am very easily disoriented..
so i called gino and told him that i think i got lost.. he told me to - deep breath - walk. from festival mall to northgate. and as if it'll make the idea seem "appealing", he adds that there are lots of people walking.. and that he can see the mall from where he was..
so i walked.
i saw less than ten people walking, and the ROOF of festival mall can be seen from where gino was standing.. i could've thrown a tantrum and spent the day shopping
na lang if i wasn't in such a good mood.. at least i was wearing kitten heels instead of stilettos.
it was a long day. 12 hours for a job interview. and i forgot to bring a freaking book.. tsk. i made some new friends, though.. and we spent most of the day entertaining ourselves "observing" our co-applicants and laughing our heads off.. hahaha! (hi Lara! hi Fei! ^^) so after five interviews, an exam, a ham and cheese sandwich, and munchkins, they told me that they my papers will be endorsed and that i'll just have to wait for the job offer..
what the hell does that mean?! did they hire me? how long shall i wait before they call? sometimes it sucks being a corporate virgin.
i was thrilled, confused, hungry, and tired.. and since there aren't any cabs in northgate, i had to walk again to festi.. the wind was blowing like crazy.. all i can think about was hot soup and buffalo wings. i was also starting to think that i was in new york (sex and the city theme playing in my head). i was really very hungry.
anyway, i made it to don hen alive.. i asked for a corner table - gasp - for one. ^^ ordered chicken soup, chicken fingers and fries, buffalo wings, and a glass of iced tea.. when every thing was served, it was only then that i remembered that i will be eating alone and that the resto serves everything like all their customers haven't eaten for months.. i had to ask them that some, most rather, of the food be packed for me to take home, seeing that the people in nearby tables were already giving me strange looks..
after dinner, i headed to starbucks.. claimed my planner (thanks, ollie! ^^) and had a marshmallow mocha (grande, for here =p).. gino came in at around 10pm, and we had to leave before 10:30 - him: for work, me: for going home..
then i had to walk AGAIN to the terminal.. this guy started talking to me, he's going to calamba too, and it was nice chatting with him
naman, so it wasn't that bad.. and besides, i love talking.
got home safely and went straight to bed.. i got sick the next day. tsk.
########first job interview.first time asked whether i'd rather be Pope or President. (answer: President)first lunch with people i've just met.first "table for one".first Starbucks planner. ^^first marshmallow mocha. ^^ (love it!)first time a total stranger (i didn't even get his name) paid for my fare. =p
thought overload @ 9:11 PM |
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
changes
when a bitchy orgmate warms up to me, tries to make conversation, actually smiles, and listens to what i say, i can't help but feel that something's wrong..
and i'm not paranoid at all.
same thing with boys i thought were "playing"then started talking commitment and shit..
and that boyfriend who said "I love you" 32 times before hanging up the phone then asked someone else to be his date for a freaking ball..
who built his dreams with me and around me as he placed me on top of the world then left me there alone as he "entertained" others..
and then there's THE guy who i thought hated being tied down then he tells me that there's this house we can rent-to-own for 20 years..
who told me that he is not my possession but expected me to introduce him to my parents as MY boyfriend..
i know. things change. people change. everything changes. blah blah blah. the thing is, changes terrify me. inconsistencies, they freak me out.
not that i'm this predictable person or anything.. i AM unpredictable, maybe. but everyone's used to that by now.. i'm predictably unpredictable. that's okay. i like predictably unpredictable people and things..
i'm a Leo. lions don't like sudden movements.. they either go for the kill or run away.
thought overload @ 5:46 PM |
Thursday, January 05, 2006
which Endless am i?
don't get too excited. it's just a freaking quiz i took =p
Dream, the third of The Endless, you are in charge of the Dreaming, all imagination and creativity, everyone knows your beautiful realm, but none truly understand it. You are dark and brooding, creative, and spend a lot of time by yourself, just thinking. You are almost as serious as Destiny, but not quite. Everyone is enchanted by you, but you keep them all at a distance, even when you shouldn't.
but i knew that already. =p
take the quiz here -
Which Endless Are You?i'm guessing gracelle will be Delirium.. hahahahaha!
thought overload @ 10:48 PM |
Sunday, November 27, 2005
beneath
this cursor is killing me..
it's always blinking.. i have already typed something and still it blinks. taunting. mocking. "is that all you've got?" it seems to say. whatever i write will always be lacking.. there's still so much more left unsaid.. as if it knows better..
maybe it does.
having my life and thoughts accessible to anybody who'll care to bother is not as liberating as it seemed at first.. even when i have grown to believe that what other people think shouldn't really matter, i find myself, most of the time, "caring" how some of them will think and feel about what i say and write.. i hate the thought that i'm turning out to be one of those prissy people-pleasers, but making people upset and disappointing them - i dislike that more. tsk.
emotions do this all the time. you think about what you'll do twice, at least, before actually doing them.. run the consequences through your mind over and over.. juggle your thoughts for the infinite possibilities and probabilities.. try to predict your own future even.. just so you come up with the best decision you can and hope for the best that you don't end up hurting anybody.. even if you come out of whatever mess you got yourself in in the most unspectacular way..
broken. torn. shattered. hollow. putting the pieces together with a smile, a laugh, a giggle and a flip of the hair deserves some sort of award, i think..
how do you tell a cursor to just shut up?
thought overload @ 3:40 PM |
Friday, November 25, 2005
the big (and sad) picture
i cried myself to sleep last nyt. a sudden wave of so much sadness just hit me.. a hangover of some sort from the entry below.. tsk.
i was inlove, very much so.. i loved the best way i knew how, i gave it everything that i could.. i loved him. i knew that. he knew that. everyone did.
but did he really love me?
it is so easy to feel that you're being loved back.. especially when you're all starry-eyed and floating in the clouds with every happy moment you share.. how can he not feel the same way when you're feeling so much, right? you don't think he can be so cruel as to let you build your dreams around him when he knows he won't be able to make them come true.. he cares about you.. he tells you he loves you.. it never crosses your mind that he doesn't love you THAT much. the idea of him leaving is absurd. impossible. crazy.
but he leaves, and your heart breaks, then it heals.. and you see everything the way your friends saw it.. at first, it makes you upset - how could you have let anyone do that to you?! and then you laugh at the irony of it all cos there's nothing else you can do about it, anyway.. and then you just feel sad, as you stare at the ceiling of your room at 3am.
how is it possible that you give someone so much of yourself, and still be not good enough for him to keep you?
and then you start doubting all other relationships you have and have had.. why is he here? what's he doing with me? where is this going? when will he leave? will he stay? why would he?
but then you already know the answers to your questions.. you're smart like that. you already know that everything will depend on you and what you do.. and that is not a comforting thought at all.
********
post-menstrual syndrome.. running out of estrogen does this to the mind.
thought overload @ 4:16 PM |
Thursday, November 24, 2005
my ex
i don't think i have ever talked about AK as an "ex".. when i do tell other people about our story, i always end up talking about someone i had a relationship with, still has a sort of relationship with, and may have a more special kind of relationship with someday.. the term "ex" is too final.. everyone knows i'm not too good at ending stuff.
and besides, i never had a reason to get AK out of my life.. he is, from time to time, a happy thought.. and he has been like one of my favorite books - i may have already read it, but when i read it again, i found out that i have missed some details the first time.. and when i read it again after that, i realize that there is still so much more to be understood..
it took years for me to understand him enough to finally let it all go.. it's not like we're still "together", ok? it's just that he's still a significant part of my life, but keeping him, now that i see him and our relationship for what it really is, will not be "good" for me anymore..
it's over.
(i can already imagine my friends doing cartwheels and hear gracelle cheering. tsk.) it is sad, losing a friend this way.. i can't believe that it turned out to be that "lovers can't be friends" cliche.. oh gahd, i'm rhyming.
anyway, when i see him again, it will be SO weird.. he's gonna be, like, a manifestation of memories.. i wonder if that's the way "ex relationships" really work..
AK, my ex. surprise. a bit of sadness. a little happiness. excitement. relief. breathing's a lot easier now.
********
typical as it may seem, i wish him happiness - and i really, really, REALLY mean it...i wish he'll return the CD he borrowed too...
thought overload @ 10:16 PM |
Friday, November 04, 2005
dreams
i dream of being queen of the world, someone's own little world, at least.. where i am celebrated for whatever good is in me, and protected from all the bad things i can cause myself and others.. where i know everything, so i can choose to do nothing.. where i can be feared and loved at the same time.. where my weaknesses are lovely, and my strengths recognized.. where i will never run out of affirmations.. where i have absolutely nothing to worry about.. and where i am good enough, almost perfect even..
i dream of backyards and balconies.. of bedtime stories and picnics.. of morning afters and hour-long baths.. of getting drunk and throwing up.. of eating too much and still throwing up.. of holding hands and never ending hugs.. of night lights and goodnight kisses.. of growing old together..
i dream of love.
********
if i can only spend more time in dreams than in reality.. *sigh* and maybe never wake up. Sleeping Beauty is one lucky bitch. 100 years of dreams.. and when she woke up, there he was, Prince Charming. tsk.
thought overload @ 3:33 PM |
losing it.
i have always believed that i can do everything i want, whenever i want, in whatever way i want to do it.. and from experience, nothing can get between me and what i desire.. well, not without me throwing a fit, that is..
so it should be perfectly understandable that i feel fucked up right now.. nothing much really changed, you see.. but for some fucking reason, i find myself - i hate this word - helpless. and oh so confused.
maybe the gods enjoy watching me go through shit.. they gave me my very own reality show.. i just wish they'd let me know what the hell i'm playing for.. tsk.
********
why make something so "good" and just push it to its limits?and what, exactly, are my limits? tsk.
thought overload @ 3:18 PM |
Sunday, October 09, 2005
of death and birth, and new years in between.
everything seems crazy lately.. a very close friend's mother died. one of my favorite godsons celebrated his first birthday. a friend seems to be two months pregnant. another friend will give birth to a beautiful baby girl very, very soon. and i never thought i will ever know someone, in this lifetime at least, who will have an abortion, but i do.
birth and death, hand in hand. and here i am, having my head, and at times my heart too, ache over things that seem to be - temporary.
why do i have to go through so much, bruise my ego, swallow my pride, and take back things i said for something and someone that i am not even sure will be there for me in a couple of years? or the next months even?
why do i have to do things that exhaust me physically and emotionally for plans and things that may change so quickly?
tomorrow i may not be here at all. nothing is as certain as i want it to be.. so im thinking, what's the point?
then new years.
i love new years. a lot of things seem so "fresh".. like you can start from scratch and all the bad stuff you did are all cleared up with the year that passed.. everything seems forgiven.. everything seems to be an opportunity to do better, to be better..
and during the start of the year, everything holds promise.. it's like everything you do will affect so much.. nothing seems insignificant..
i wish there are more new years.. i wish a lot more things will make sense soon.. i wish i have all the time i need to do whatever i have to do (and some left for things i dont really need to do but want to).. i wish for more people to appreciate lives, their own and others' as well.. and i wish, i really wish, that most of the things i do made/make/will make the people i love happy, in whatever way..
i wish my life will be significant, whatever that means..
and that, for me, is the point, i think.. *sigh*
********
i'll rant about my 4 years in high school next time, ok? ^^ i need to rant about this more right now...
thought overload @ 12:18 AM |
Sunday, September 18, 2005
people i met in high school
before everything else, there are things i forgot to mention in my previous entry.. first, i was named after the wrong month.. so what if their (my parents) birthdays are on April?! i was the new-born here and it was August.. to make up for that, i celebrate on April 1 too =p
it is not entirely true that i stalked boys during elementary, gracelle made that up.. or i just don't remember =p
anyway, let's talk about high school.. it started out ok.. i ended up in the same section that most of my classmates in sixth grade were in.. plus some transferees.. we were informed early on that we were the "science section" - whatever that meant.. well, all i know is that we had extra subjects and stuff (earth science on 1st year, advanced bio on 3rd year, advanced chem on 4th year, what was it on 2nd year?).. and that i was with people i like. no airheads, well - almost.
the other sections thought we were these nerds or something.. that we studied volumes of encyclopedia during recess (when we were reading Harry Potter and Judith McNaught novels ^^) and that we didn't know how to have fun (when there are movie marathons on weekends and bowling or billiards or sleepovers or wrestling matches ^^), but we didn't care. we were happy in our own little world.. very much so.
i have learned a lot in high school, and not just the stuff you get from books.. i have learned that even if you have the highest IQ in the batch, you can never be class valedictorian if you're as lazy as i am =p.. that being "nice" can get you higher grades than being smart (especially in a catholic school).. that being smart is independent of being shallow.. that nuns have a violent side ^^.. that some adults (teachers at that) are the most narrow-minded people.. that a teacher in religion can put dirt on your mind ^^.. that a magazine cut-out of a celfon may look like a real walkman for some =D.. and that highschool, wherever you are, will always be "typical"..
typical in the sense that they always have these groups of students like they have in teen movies.. so these are the groups in my school, im just not sure if i was able to include everyone =p AND let me just say that some people fit in more than one of these groups..
the elitists - the "smart" people.. their social life revolved around a very small circle of friends.. most of their friends are their classmates and did not mingle much with those in other sections.. excels in different fields individually, very diverse personalities, well-rounded as a group.. hence, giving others the wrong impression that they are "elitists," but i dont think it is elitist to hang out with people in the same wavelength of thinking.. who would want to be with people who do not get jokes that require a little mindwork? tsk.
the teacher's pets - i totally dislike them. never in a million years will i, or my children even, be in this group.. teacher pleasers. they get credit for following everything the administration says and wants them to do.. and the worst part is, they're willing to compromise their co-students than get in the bad side of the "oh-so-perfect-adults" of the faculty.
the unicorns - group of girls who think they're all that.. SOME of them are pretty to look at, the rest thinks that they are too - but all are total airheads if you ask me.. thinks that a lot of people are interested about what they're wearing, the latest in their love lives, the "conflict" within their group, etcetera.. oh, and yes, they also think that they're the most talented.. very narrow-minded bitches. i hate people who set lame standards.. and those who keep on using the english language and messing it up! mag tagalog na lang kayo, pwede? pathetic.
the jocks - yummy eye candies ^^ they're the guys who look great in suits during prom.. and they play great basketball.. and they're really sexy.. and they're sweet.. not much in the brains department, though ^^ some of them have cars, but then i am not really a big fan whenever guys parade their rides when we know that it's their parents' money they're spending, not their own.. la la la..
the silent types - they're just there.. sometimes you see them at the corridors but then you're not really sure if they're on your batch.. they laugh at your jokes, listen attentively, take down notes, etc. college comes and some of them are in sororities, have their nth boyfriend, and kick major ass ^^ the rest, i dont know.. vanished in thin air? ^^
the melrose gang - sex, drinking, and smoking in highschool were either cool or "sinful".. image was everything, they thought. and then some of them ended up pregnant (or had an abortion), drug dependent, and basically no future.. which was what they had coming.. and they thought they were so cool. puh-leez.
the insecure club - usually the poor, deprived souls that weren't able to incorporate confidence in their lives.. tried to make other people's lives a living hell.. thought that they were better than most people even when they're absolutely not.. thought that accomplishments made them superior.. almost as pathetic as "the unicorns".
finally,
the fans - well, most of these came from lower years, especially freshies and sophies (juniors think they're almost cool ^^).. they crush on "the jocks", follow the trends set by "the unicorns", and idolize "the elitists"..
that's almost everyone! well, students, that is.. teachers have different groups too but i dont think im in the mood to write about them just yet..
so there, my 2nd entry ^^.. some people change, some do not.. im just glad that the friends i made in highschool are my friends up to now, whoever they turned out to be.. you guys are so irreplaceable ^^ high school has been the funnest ride ever, and it couldn't have been the same without you all.. *group hug* ^^ ok, il stop the drama na ^^ 'til my next entry! mmmwah!
thought overload @ 2:35 PM |
Sunday, September 11, 2005
how it all started
i'm on the verge of overloading on thoughts again.. i have learned that the best way to deal with it is to write or rant about something else - something totally unrelated to whatever is bothering me at the moment.. that's why il be writing about my personal history.. ^^ i like talking about myself, il let you know that this early =p
i was born on the 2nd day of August, 1984.. somewhere in Sta. Mesa, Manila.. being their first-born, my parents couldn't have been happier - and prouder.. i knew how to read before i turned 3 years old.. then i had to take up ballet as an extra subject or something while i was in prep school.. i looked like a tadpole-lizard hybrid in a tutu.. i just hope the medals were enough to erase that memory.. and then i had to go to another prep school cos there's some kind of rule on age or something.. i mean, come on. i was smarter than those in grade 2 according to the evaluation. hmpf. there was no more ballet (thank God), but then i was asked to play a cat in this staging of a nursery rhyme of some sort, and to dance "Singing in the Rain" with umbrellas decorated with crepe paper.. i may have been the smartest in the group, but i seriously think that my decision-making was very, very retarded.
and then we moved to Laguna ^^ just in time for me to start elementary.. still, i was an excellent student. the teachers loved me.. i joined lots of contests in and out of school, and won everything.. oh, except that one time i volunteered to be the class' representative for Vocal Solo and didn't even come close to winning =p (if gracelle didn't sing the same song i did and i sang first, i might have had a chance ^^ haha!) i was in the Little Friends of Jesus Club at that time too..
then came third grade.. it must have been hormones and adolescence and stuff that made me realize that i can stop pleasing the teachers.. the same reason that i started hanging out with the boys and playing games that made my immaculately white school uniform turn brown..
at fourth grade, the teachers started asking to talk with my parents, inquiring if there was trouble at home or whatever bcos they wanted to know why my grades were slipping.. being lazy just wasn't reason enough for them.. and then i slapped this classmate (jed perez ^^) because he touched my doll when i've already told everyone not to.. i dont think i slapped him that hard but he cried, my handprint on his cheek.. i started crying too when the principal told us that they'll be calling our parents if i dont apologize.. so i did. i was very obedient..
fifth to sixth grade revolved around volleyball.. sporty and boyish. frizzy hair and sunburn. i was so uncute.. *shivers* plus big shirts and baggy pants and rubber shoes.. i think i tried being a boy.. i wonder why.. and i didnt even try out for the school paper.. too busy with volleyball training for the STRAA meet.. loved mindoro! ^^
so that was that.. primary education. went through bruised knees, frilly hairbands, colored shoelaces, numerous slumbooks, braids, lacey socks, outfits i will never let my daughter wear, and crushing on "older" guys and dreaming that il live happily ever after with them.. i didnt feel anything special on graduation day. just that one of our classmates said that she'll be entering a convent in Tagaytay.. after a few years we found out that she didn't (hi renalyn! ^^).
anyway, highschool was a totally different story.. that will be my next entry if nothing comes up soon.. ^^
thought overload @ 4:31 PM |
