** chapter closed **

Friday, November 04, 2005
losing it.

i have always believed that i can do everything i want, whenever i want, in whatever way i want to do it.. and from experience, nothing can get between me and what i desire.. well, not without me throwing a fit, that is..

so it should be perfectly understandable that i feel fucked up right now.. nothing much really changed, you see.. but for some fucking reason, i find myself - i hate this word - helpless. and oh so confused.

maybe the gods enjoy watching me go through shit.. they gave me my very own reality show.. i just wish they'd let me know what the hell i'm playing for.. tsk.

********
why make something so "good" and just push it to its limits?

and what, exactly, are my limits? tsk.

thought overload @ 3:18 PM |

*BASICS*
Full Name: April Llorera Asumbra
Nicknames: eyfril, freul
Birthdate: August 2, 1984
Location: Laguna, Philippines
Religion: Roman Catholic
Occupation: travel specialist
High School: Canossa College San Pablo City
College: yUPieLBi
Affiliations: Philobioscientia

*PERSONAL INFO*
Relationship Status: almost married =)
Astrological Sign: Leo, obviously
Chinese Zodiac: Wood Rat
Existing as: God's gift to man =p
Smoking: not applicable
Liquor: deprived
Exercise: walking when the mood strikes
Clothing: anything comfy

*APPEARANCE*
Body Type: depends on time of the month
Eyes: depends on the mood
Hair: thick, black, and layered
Skin Tone: fair
Height: 5'3"
Weight: i don't want to know.
Best Feature: i love my shoulders

*FAMILY*
daddy tells me seeing me for the first time is his happy thought. and that is the happiest of my happy thoughts. blame him for me feeling like i deserve at least half of the love he gives me from everyone i meet. =p he always reminds me that noone will love me more than he does. and i believe him.

mom is the smartest woman i know. i think my being competitive came from her. she always strives for excellence and perfection. and there is a big part of me that's like that. di lang halata. hehe. i cannot imagine a better mother for me and my sisters. she always cooks "special" meals on weekends when jonas and i come home. love it. =)

jonas is on her sophomore year in ust. i totally adore her. wonderful, wonderful. so talented. love her voice. she grew up into this beautiful person. she is so full of potential. one day i'll get her a gig here in makati. i love her to bits.

faye is in 4th grade. she makes me smile. makes me laugh. she's growing up so fast. *sigh* love her to pieces.

weekends spent at home are actually more tiring than my weekdays. but it is all so worth it.

*HAPPY THOUGHTS*
babies. wind chimes. ducklings. emeralds. sunflowers. freedom park. cloud formations. white sand. seashells. bubbles. butterflies. feathers. puppies. kittens. autumn. rainbows. stars. waterfalls. tiger cubs. dolphins. hugs. kisses. love. =)

*CRAVINGS*
oreos. steaks. blueberry cheesecake. chocolate cake. marshmallows. fresh mango shake. apple juice. crispy pata. sisig. meaty lovers' pizza. watermelon. pineapple chunks. yakult. oreo cheesecake. roasted chicken. crabmeat. mushroom soup with croutons. pretzels. cheeseballs. chippy (red ^^). tuna and cheese. lasagna. grilled porkchops. baby back ribs. isaw sa may whitehouse ^^. hungarian sausage. lechon. chocolate mousse. better-than-sex cake. caramel popcorn. hot pandesal. double dutch ice cream. buttered toast. mashed potatoes with lots of gravy. ham and egg sandwich. bavarian-filled munchkins. twister fries. waffles. squid balls. chicharong bulaklak. leche flan. spicy fish eggs. bulalo. siomai. kirei. snickers cremachino. reese's bites.

*READS*
veronika decides to die. the alchemist. the little prince. the notebook. tuesdays with morrie. the five people you meet in heaven. message in a bottle. a walk to remember. the rescue. good omens. stardust. white oleander. bridget jones' diary. the edge of reason. eleven minutes. shopaholic series. harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban.

*WATCHES*
armageddon. cruel intentions. sweet november. pearl harbor. uptown girls. one true thing. 50 first dates. my sassy girl. so close. how to lose a guy in 10 days. pretty woman. when harry met sally. i am sam. the parent trap. disney classics. pixar films. milan. all my life. got 2 blv. =p csi. project runway. amazing race. charmed. survivor. sex and the city. the west wing. friends.