Tuesday, June 27, 2006
i cried my heart out this morning. it feels terrible. i sat by the window looking out to the city and looking down on vehicles passing through buendia. there must have been thousands of people out there, all oblivious of my pain. there should be someone somewhere feeling worse, i thought. or maybe not.
the sky was beautiful. cloud formations. one looked like a person with arms wide open. like it's offering me a hug. i was 10 stories above buendia. glass separated me from that hug. from that drop.
i want to get hit by a car. something small. something that will not do too much damage. but i want to get hurt enough for me to have to be checked in the hospital. if only heartaches have physiological effects, i'll be in intensive care right now.
my love for him is dangerous. for me and the people around me. it's not very comforting that i know i'll break first before i stop fighting for how i feel about him.
how much is he willing to give for how he feels about me, i wonder. but then i know that the answer isn't important. i already love him too much that my love can cover for both of us. he can feel nothing for me right now and i will still give him everything that i have. i will shed tears for the pain i feel and that which i cause him and i will never even consider giving up.
i will cry and plead and fight for him to stay with me. i still cannot think of any reason for me not to.
gracelle and i are going to bataan for the weekend. *sigh*
***ok, again, gracelle and i stayed home saturday. =) dancing friday night was fun enough. bataan will have to wait for another "occassion"... =p
thought overload @ 6:42 PM |
