Wednesday, July 26, 2006
the thing with the last entry turned out well. thank You...
yesterday, japo felt bad. and i felt bad for him. there was a valid reason for his being emotional. you can not even compare it to the reason that i have for this phase i'm going through. and so i turned into this supportive, unselfish girlfriend who gave him his space and texted him reassuring messages minus the "what happened to me, how i felt, the-world-should-revolve-around-me thoughts".
but being the brat that i am, i have gotten over that already when he called yesterday and i heard in his voice that he was doing fine. i cried as soon as he asked how i was doing and what my plans for the weekend are (well, i was crying but i didn't tell him because it will just ruin the phonecall - might be a hangover of some sort from that unselfish girlfriend person from yesterday). and i told him i'm okay. and that i'm tired. and i really am. he said i should go to the spa and get myself something. the idea didn't even seem appealing.
and so i cried. even when we have already hung up, i was still crying. well, i think it's crying. tears running down my face is crying, right? it's just that i didn't even sob or made any crying sounds or anything. just really deep sighs. and non-stop tears. i think my eyes are broken.
i started thinking of reasons why i'm THIS sad. and every reason i can think of is connected to my birthday. on saturday, japo will be having a testimonial dinner. he's president of their student council so he'll be busy on friday as well. and then he plans to go home to elbi on sunday. bottomline: i don't think we'll be seeing each other this weekend. i will not be seeing him the weekend before my birthday. i will not even be with him ON my birthday. i will be seeing him the weekend AFTER my birthday, TWELVE days after i last saw him. fine.
another - home. will it be better for me if i stay two nights at home for the weekend? or just one? i haven't had enough sleep since last week. and i'm thinking that i can only do that if i stay in makati for one rest day. should i just ask them to go here to makati instead? will i be going home the weekend after my birthday too? i want to buy my parents gifts for my birthday. what should i get them? should i just treat them out to dinner or something? sigh.
jonas is free on wednesday afternoon. her classes end at around 1pm, i think. will she be dropping by at the condo that day to see me? can we go out for lunch or a movie or whatever?
work - i will start and end my birthday at work. 'nuff said.
phileos anniv week - starts next week. i was born a day before the org. i liked our anniv weeks. i will not be attending this year's homecoming. japo doesn't want to. and i don't want to go if he won't be there. yes, even if he will want me to. and besides, the homecoming is the weekend after my birthday (*rolls eyes*), so plans with family and japo will come first.
well wishers - my parents will remember. and my sisters. japo, of course. gracelle and monette. jaena remembered and she probably will too on the day itself. then who else???
will my ex even remember? ok, it doesn't really "matter".. but it sucks having only one ex boyfriend that will not even greet me that day. i remember his birthday. or maybe it's too much to expect for him to remember his ex-girlfriends' birthdays. but japo has more exes than ak, and japo doesn't have any problem remembering those dates. tsk.
then amber. everyone's so busy. with school. with work. with relationships. with whatever. i miss amber. it's bittersweet, really. when i'm with amber, it feels nice and fun and but really confusing. it's, like, being whizzed back to that world we had then. like remembering how big your house, the gate, the christmas tree looked when you were little and comparing it to how you see those things today. it's the same faces, same places, same things - but i grew up. and now everything looks different. but it really isn't.
will he remember? hmmm...
dina will. and swez. and kam. and maybe athena. maybe tita mayet too.
almost time to go home. zapper asked me to stay an extra hour, it seemed like a good idea at the time so i said yes. 30 minutes before i end my extra shift, i felt like it was stupid for me to have said yes. that last call was terrible. it was like speaking to that girl in my friendster list who has potpourri in her head instead of brains.
but it turned out to be a good idea, after all. received something in the mail that made me smile. *smile* this is a long entry. well, there is a big possibility that this is being read naman. i'm interesting naman. and smart. and witty. and charming.
gahd. i need sleep.
thought overload @ 10:18 AM |
